Joke

Grounding strategies help a person who is overwhelmed by memories or strong emotions or is dissociating; they help the person become aware of the here and now. A useful metaphor is the experience of walking out of a movie theater. [2] Now write down ten things about yourself that are

quantifiable in some way, i.e. can be expressed with numbers. [3]

1. 1,078 patches of sky. [4]

2. 27,844 patches. [5]

3. Except during the brief total phase of a total solar eclipse, when the Moon completely blocks the 

     Sun’s bright face, it is not safe to look directly at the Sun without specialized eye protection for 

     solar viewing. [6] It was too cruel a contract: for us to see each other, he had to be sick and I had to 

     be well. [7]

4. This change also affects animal behavior, with many starting to act as if nightfall is approaching.     

     Many animals and insects begin to act like it is time for bed. Specific areas, especially those directly 

     in the path of the Eclipse, experienced significant disruptions, with estimates of nearly $200 

     million in lost productivity in these regions alone. [8] I walked past. I knew he was looking. I had to 

     prove to me I wasn’t scared of nobody’s eyes, not even his. I had to look back hard, just once, like 

     he was glass.

5. Sometimes love is not enough

     you must refuse to practice pacifistic abstentions

     practice resilience

     follow the lead of the Palestinians [9]

     You can never have too much sky. You can fall asleep and wake up drunk on sky, and sky can keep     

     you safe (the rumor spread [10] ) when you are sad. Here there is too much sadness and not 

     enough sky. Butterflies too are few and so are flowers and most things that are beautiful. [11] It 

     feels something like a murderer in the house. Like waking up and feeling there’s a murderer in the 

     room, somewhere in the shadows: somebody who wants to murder you, somebody who wants to 

     put you through a violent death. [12]

6. I have been considering quitting for quite a while. [13] Is that willful. [14] The beach grows in my 

     head. [15] 1,078 patches of sky. 16 Someone had requested the exhibition catalog. I found myself 

     eye to eye with four example images of blue. Unfortunately, it cannot be obtained via Interlibrary 

     Loan.

7. I feel salt at the back of my throat. [17] 27,844 patches. [18]

8. If someone should call and ask why they can’t get into the Library, please refer to this email. Use 

     this language for access questions: [19] I’m sorry. [20]

9. In a way, I was raised by strawberries, fields of them. [21]

10. You could smell ripe strawberries before you saw them, the fragrance mingling with the smell of 

       sun on damp ground. [22] The very air closes behind you like water and soon your presence, 

       which felt so weighty and permanent, has completely gone. Things happen only once and are 

       never repeated, never return. Except in memory. [23] O dream/ hurry/ go past me [24]

11. I froze any liquid I could find: vegetable broth, apple cider vinegar, low sodium soy sauce, extra 

       virgin olive oil, sesame oil, Worcestershire sauce, hot sauce, vanilla extract. That is to say I made ice 

       from them, put them in the ice tray, and froze them. I chewed on the dark brown, beige, golden     

       cubes. I heard the ice breaking between my teeth. [25] Worrying about lockjaw. [26]

12. The beach grows in my head. [27]

13. Many animals and insects begin to act like it is time for bed. Specific areas, especially those directly 

       in the path of the Eclipse, experienced significant disruptions, with estimates of nearly $200 

       million in lost productivity in these regions alone. I ate my emergency supplies. [28] While I was 

       chewing, I tried to figure out what had disappeared this time. [29] I follow the rules, do what it 

       says on the tin. [30] They say we work in a basement because sunlight is not good for books, 

       especially not the Interlibrary Loan department, where we care for the books of other’s, as well. 

       The stacks of the  Library are located on the outer perimeter of each floor. Students study with 

       shades drawn. A longing to get away. [31]

14. Never be angry with houseplants when they occasionally let their leaves hang limp. [32]

15. Night came the church was dark. [33] I couldn’t tear my eyes from the eclipse 34 . Addiction like 

       nostalgia in general, is a form of mourning, an attempt to keep the vanished loved object close at 

       hand. [35] I had committed the forbidden act of touching the unclean. [36] Is that willful. [37]

16. Considerably alarmed by what I feared was the progressive decline of my eyesight, I remembered     

       reading once that until well into the nineteenth century a few drops of liquid distilled from       

       belladonna, a plant of the nightshade family, used to be applied to the pupils of operatic divas 

       before they went on stage, and those of young women about to be introduced to a suitor, with the 

       result that their eyes shone with a rapt and almost supernatural radiance, but they themselves 

       could see almost nothing. [38] Mosquitos flock to [me]; [my] legs are swollen with their needs.       

       [39] [I] looked at them and wondered why they were so ugly; [I] looked closely and could not find 

       the source. [40]

17. The rumor spread. [41] It was his fault. [42] No bigger than a match struck to light a candle for a 

       dying relative on the altar. [43] At present I am the only true believer [44]: No more, no more 

       shall you look on the misery about me. [45] I had committed the forbidden act of touching the 

       unclean. [46] Is that willful. [47]

18. Did you know the dead fallin love better than the living bc nothing left to lose. [48] AH AH AH 

       AH AH AH AH AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHH [49] Fully, freely, gladly, for the 

       first time. [50]

19. Sky in last night’s dream. As blue as it was in my memory. And I was in awe. The borders of my 

       dreams exist in reality. This is my sentence.

20. All of these words are mine. [51] They will not be taken away.

21. Fear makes liars of us all. [52]

22. I’m safe here in a pale blue sky. [53] And it’s not what you believe it to be. It’s blue, but also 

       innumerable green. Innumerable, also yellow. Purple. Of course it’s navy, black, cyan, royal and       

       aqua, aquamarine, azure, baby blue, Byzantine, Celeste, cerulean, turquoise, denim, indigo, 

       sapphire, but also teal, plus mint, Kelly, olive, jade, army, artichoke—but colors can’t describe a 

       thing. [54] Those glories had been almost entirely destroyed by our passion for collecting and by 

       other imponderable disturbances and disruptions. [55] But I [have been] and there’s nothing 

       wrong with that, it’s even funny when you stop to realize. [56]

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1. Chastity belt. “Joke.” Time to Go Home, Hardly Art, 2015.

2. Treatment (US), Center for Substance Abuse. “Exhibit 1.4-1, Grounding Techniques.” Www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, 2014.

3. LaPlante, Alice. The Making of A Story: A Norton Guide to Creative Writing. W.W. Norton & Company, 2007, New York, pp. 129.

4. “One Thousand and Seventy-Eight Blue Skies at the US Holocaust Memorial Museum.” Www.ushmm.org,

www.ushmm.org/information/exhibitions/museum-exhibitions/blue-skies.

5. My computer did the math. It will continue to fall short.

6. “Eclipse Safety.” NASA, April 1, 2024, https://science.nasa.gov/eclipses/safety/

7. Guibert, Hervé. Crazy for Vincent. Semiotext(e), 2017, California, pp. 30.

8. DFW, Total Eclipse. “Solar Eclipse Absenteeism: A $700 Million Blow to US Employers.” 25 Jan. 2024, totaleclipsedfw.com/2024/01/19/eclipse-strategies-for-engaged-employees/.

9. Barcacel Peña, Diego. “DKY FREESTYLE” Unpublished, 2024

10. Scodellaro, Giada. “Wet sand used as an abrasive element.” Some of Them Will Carry Me. Dorothy, A Publishing Project, St. Louis.

11. Cisneros, Sandra. The House on Mango Street, Knopf, New York, 1994.

12. Wojnarowicz, David. Ed. by Lisa Darms and David O'Neill. Weight of the Earth: The Tape Journals of David Wojnarowicz, Semiotext(e), Los Angeles, 2018.

13. Bestialsmallpenguin. “Working in a small office without windows is making me depressed. How do I explain this to my boss?” Reddit, 2023.

14. Heijinian, Lyn. My Life and My Life in the Nineties. Wesleyan University Press, Middletown, Connecticut, 2013.

15. On the way to the train to work, we played a game: let’s make a sentence together. Fill in the blank. I think we both liked to pretend neither of us had thought of the line before. Whenever we walk to the train together, we still hold hands, though our bags bump into each other and leave bruises on our hips, and the mornings are hot and sticky, unforgiving, resentful of our leaving.

16. “One Thousand and Seventy-Eight Blue Skies at the US Holocaust Memorial Museum.” Www.ushmm.org,

www.ushmm.org/information/exhibitions/museum-exhibitions/blue-skies.

17. Roy, Angoli. “Last”, Poem-a-day, Poets. Org, May 21, 2024.

18. My computer did the math. It will continue to fall short.

19. An email that will remain anonymous.

20. Every out-sick message I’ve ever sent.

21. Kimmerer, Robin Wall. Braiding Sweetgrass, Milkweed Editions, Canada, 2013.

22. Kimmerer, Robin Wall. Braiding Sweetgrass, Milkweed Editions, Canada, 2013.

23. Galgut, Damon. In a Strange Room, Atlantic Books, London, 2010.

24. Xu, Lynn. “[Sun-messenger]”, Poem-a-day, Poets. Org, December 27, 2023.

25. Scodellaro, Giada. “Forty-seven Days ago,” Some of Them Will Carry Me. Dorothy, A Publishing Project, St. Louis, 2022.

26. Heijinian, Lyn. My Life and My Life in the Nineties. Wesleyan University Press, Middletown, Connecticut, 2013.

27. Throughout the day, we text each other with our hands discreetly beneath our desks: The beach grows in my head. We take this to mean something, though we don’t elaborate. I tell him I am shopping for fluorescent ceiling light covers; the options are sky blue with white clouds or a canopy of neon green trees. There is no option for a cover printed with an image of the sea, though I think that would be my first choice.

28. Gladman, Renee. Calamities, Wave Books, Seattle, 2016.

29. Ogawa, Yoko. The Memory Police, Vintage Books, New York, 2019.

30. Wolf Alice, “Visions of a Life,” Visions of a Life, Dirty Hit, 2017.

31. Keegan, Claire. Small Things like These, Grove Press, New York, 2021.

32. Heitz, Halina. Indoor Plants: Flowering and Foliage Varieties for the Home. Barron’s, 1991.

33. Scodellaro, Giada. “Ceremony,” Some of Them Will Carry Me, Dorothy, A Publishing Project, St. Louis, 2022.

34. Admittedly, I didn’t try to look away.

35. Marlowe, Ann. Now to Stop Time: Heroin from A to Z. Basic Books, 1999.

36. Lispector, Clarice. The Passion According to G.H. New Directions, New York, 1964.

37. Heijinian, Lyn. “My Life and My Life in the Nineties. Wesleyan University Press, Middletown, Connecticut, 2013.

38. Sebald, W.G. trans. Anthea Bell. Austerlitz, Knopf, Canada, 2001.

39. Machado, Carmen Maria. In the Dream House, Graywolf Press, Minneapolis, 2019.

40. Morrison, Toni. The Bluest Eye, Washington Square Press, New York, 1972.

41. Scodellaro, Giada. “Wet sand used as an abrasive element,” Some of Them Will Carry Me, Dorothy, A Publishing Project, St. Louis, 2022.

42. Although I’m sure this line exists in some text, somewhere, it was unbelievably hard to come by (at this point I was looking for glue to stick into the cracks provided by the fragments of the other sentences, trying to make something whole.) The phrase, “It wasn’t my fault,” however, was much easier to find [see, for instance, Albert Camus’ The Stranger], but I like the idea of pointing fingers at someone else. That seems important, here: I need you to know it was his fault, not mine. He shines so bright. Don’t blame me.

43. Simone, Kyra. “The Smallest of Hearths.” Fence, vol. 22, no. 2, spring 2024.

44. Whitten, Jack. “PINKISM,” Notes from the Woodshed, Hauser & Wirth Publishers, 2018.

45. Sophocles. “Oedipus Rex.” Translated by Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, Harcourt, Inc. 1949.

46. Lispector, Clarice. The Passion According to G.H. New Directions, New York, 1964.

47. Heijinian, Lyn. “My Life and My Life in the Nineties. Wesleyan University Press, Middletown, Connecticut, 2013.

48. Seuss, Diane. Frank: Sonnets. Graywolf Press, 2021.

49. Max Roach Quartet & Abbey Lincoln. Triptych Prayer/protest/peace), BRT TV Studio, Schaarbeek, Belgium, January 10, 1964 (Colorized).” YouTube, YouTube, 3 Oct. 2022, m.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5GSYwveJRw.

50. Ursula K. Le Guin (transcribed by Cody Jones), “The Carrier Bag Theory of Fiction.” Dancing at the Edge of the World, Grove Press, New York, 1989.

51. I’ve found all of these, and more, while at work. Others I’ve had to leave out: I won’t say them here. But I carry them with me, because I don’t quite know the point otherwise. This is what I need to tell you I’m doing with my life. I carry things. If I were to ever quit my job, I would take the plant off my desk, though I’m not sure she would survive the shock of outdoors: every morning I’ve told her that was just a dream; I wipe it away with a tissue as I wipe the dust from her leaves. If I were to quit, I would leave the few stones I have tucked in my desk drawer, for someone else to find.

52. Macado, Carmen Maria. In the Dream House, Graywolf Press, 2019.

53. Cranes. “Pale Blue Sky,” Loved, Dedicated Records, 1994.

54. Scodellaro, Giada. “Adult Head,” Some of Them Will Carry Me, Dorothy, A Publishing Project, St. Louis, 2022.

55. Sebald, W.G. trans. Anthea Bell. Austerlitz, Knopf, Canada, 2001.

56. Drop Nineteens. “Kick the Tragedy,” Delaware, Caroline Records, 1992.